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The Pink Stool
What is the Pink Stool? Where did it come from? Who does it belong to? First of all it used to belong to my daughter when she was a little girl. It was bought for her for something to sit on in the garden while we ,as adults , sat on the bigger seats. It had to be pink as everything in her life at that time was pink. Even the walls in her bedroom. Now it belongs to anybody who needs to use it. At the moment my wife is using it to get up to the top shelf of the wardrobe. Before that I was using it to aid me inhanging some pictures in the newly painted toilet. (It was also used to help me do that as well). It is used for almost everything that requires an extra few inches to reach that thing that is just out of reach. As to where it came from. for those people who remember this town as it used to be nearly 30 20 years ago, it came from one of those places that were quite common. you saw them in every High Street in every town / city / village in the country. nowadays they have become a rarity, much to my sorrow. It came from a Hardware Store. not one of those big dull, boring places that you see on the outskirts of towns where the management think that the place can be run by people who don't know what they are doing, but from a proper store where the owner and his / her experienced staff are only to happy / keen to serve you and talk for ages about you and whatever you wish to talk about.
I miss them. After all , I had one of my own for a long time unyil the Big boys came to town. the rest is history. I have just heard from my wife that she is finished with the Pink Stool and that I can have it again to do another little job. That meana I can stroke another job off my list. Come to think of it. Without the Pink Stool many of the jobs on my list probably wouldn't get done. I better take more care of the Pink Stool in the future. Fix that crack on the side for a start before it gets any bigger. That's another job for my list. The list is endless. Gotta go. I am very busy at the moment.

Posted :: Sunday 1/21/2007 8:36:00 AM

Iiiittttt's Behind You
Yes folks. It's that time of year again. It's Pantomime Season, and everything is behind you. Darling Daughter has just appeared in her 7th sucessive panto and a jolly good jape it was. My feeling of pride as I see her come on stage cannot be measured. Not even with a Mastercard. Although she is talking about giving them up and that was her last one ever I don't think she means it somehow. Next year will tell all. Will I be shouting 'It's behind you' this time next year or not. Only time will tell. The other time of year that has come upon us with a suddeness, is Wifey deciding that the house needs decorating all over again. (Well, not really ALL over , but enough work to keep me busy and out of the pubs) At the moment I am trying to turn our upstairs bathroom from a modern, easy clean facility into a catalogue picture taken from one of the paint companies from their new Spring range of colour. "I will have it finished this weekend for sure dearest" says I, but don't forget that I am going out to wet the babies head. (My friends new baby, not mine you understand) That will get me out of work for at least two nights. One night in the pub and one day recovering. Next week the new furniture arrives for Darling Daughters bedroom. This is in the vain hope that it will help her to use the damn wardrobe instead of the floor. We will see. We will see. Talking of babies. My boss is now the proud father to a baby boy. He has nicknamed him Elvis as he keeps telling all of us how good looking he is. I have seen the pictures. He is a good looking baby. Not like his father though. He must get his looks from his mother. Father is an ug%^ ^&*%$. (Sorry, I had to stop there. I might get carried away and end up with no job) Another thing that comes at this time of year is 'The List'. The list is a list of jobs that I inrend on doing on / around the house / garden in the forthcoming twelve months. The idea of the list is. If I can manage to get 50% of the jobs done I have had a good year. anything above 50% is a bonus. If it is below 50% then who cares. Maybe the jobs were too ambitious for me. Time to call in the professionals. Anyway, bye for now, speak soon.
Posted :: Wednesday 1/10/2007 12:59:00 PM

And a happy xmas to you to
We have just had the best Xmas ever. Well, for a long time anyway. This year was made different all because I had invited a couple of girls for Xmas dinner. no, not those sort of girls. These two girls are from Germany and Denmark. they were on their own and I thought that it would be a nice thing to do. All the other girls and boys are away home for Xmas to their own respective countries. By the way, these peeps are just some of the people that I work with, or do volunteer work with. They are very nice people. Even the butcher was excited. When Wifey went into the btchers this year to place our Xmas order she ordered a turkey. the young man behind the counter asked, rather surprised, why we wer'nt havng our usual fillet steaks which we would normally have. When Wifey said that we were haveing a German girl and a Danish girl for dinner he got all inquisitive. What are they like? Are they young? Are they good looking? Can I come to dinner? His bubble was burst when one of the other guys behind the counter reminded him that he was engaged and was getting married soon. His quick reply was, 'yeah, yeah. But I can still look can't I?' Anyway, a good time was had by all. Even number one son got into the spirit of things and actually got into conversation with our guests instead of the usual grunt reply. as for darling daughter, she was just excited at the fact it was just Xmas day. Imagine, 21 years old and she still gets a stocking and she still come into your bedroom at the godawful early hour of 6 o'clock. One thing i did learn from our guests was what the different cultures around Europe do to celebrate xmas. i was amazed at all the different days that are used. Not like the one day that is used here in this over commercialised part of the world. Now it is boxing Day and we are just finishing off the remnants of yesterdays meal. .there is no sign of darling daughter or number one son who went out last night to their friends. Our guests left well fed and contented with a food parcel just to see them through the next couple of days. They will have company again soon as their workmates will be returning soon from their respective homelands. Don'r forget the sales folks. Get the stuff cheap now for next year. Byse byse
Posted :: Tuesday 12/26/2006 7:36:00 AM

Wish you were here---maybe
On a wee break the last wee while. A`well deserved one of course. At this time of year and at my time of life it is written down in stone somewhere that man and wifey MUST get away from the kids and everything else for at least 5 days. We had a wonderful time. We went off to Prague on a cheap flight deal (flights out----FREE, flights back----a fortune. no matter how it looks, there is always a catch). anyway, a good restful time was had by the both of us. At least that was until we tried to do some shopping. All the local independant shops were great. they were most helpful in theur stuttered English. Then we went to the C & A store. We spent a long time in there picking out this and that, stuff for ourselves and stuff for Chrissy presents. We went up to the desk to pay and promptly stood behind a lady who was being served. Other people started to queue behind us. Then, it happened. An elderly local lady came up to the counter in front of us and put her purchase on the counter top. she fiddled about getting her urse out and all the time moving closer to the lady in front. the shop assistant saw me and wifey and knew we were next. As soon as the lady in front was finished I put some of our purchases on the counter. These were pushed aside by old lady and she also pushed herself in front of me and wifey. Of course I objected. After all, I was a shopkeeper once myself. But I forgot for a moment that we were in a foreign country. But then, i thought, no. This old lady saw that we were next. The assistant saw that we were next. I wasn't going to stand for this. No siree. I moved myself into the counter and said to the assistant, 'we were next'. she looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. Her collegue saw what was going on and came over. In her stutteres English she asked what was wrong. I explained. I also asked was the assistant going to serve us next or not. I thought that something was about to happen when the collegue took the bundle of purchases from Wifey. No, all she did was put them on a shelf behind the counter and carried on with what she was doing. The assistant continued on with old lady. I was livid. I asked again were we going to be served next or not. The assistant was taking money from old lady. Obviously not then. I put down the rest of our purchases on the counter and turned and walked out of the store with Wifey. All the peeps behind us were looking at us. So what! If the assistant didn;t understand English at that time she sure didn't understand what i called her when i left the counter. Your loss C & A. I calculated that old lady purchased something in the region of £10.00. We, on the other hand were spending in the region of £250.00. The local shops got the rest of our holiday spending. Is it any wonder? Byse-byse
Posted :: Tuesday 12/19/2006 9:37:00 AM

Overheards where.....?
Yes folks. This was actually overheard at a wedding reception. Not any wedding reception, but the wedding reception of the year. If you happen to be a member of the Social SET!!!! Get my drift----oh yah dahling. This is how it went. One man to another man. 'Oh yah. Northern Ireland is such a wonderful place. It is soo small that everyone knows everyone' Reply ' No, no. It's not quite like that. All the Catholics know one another and all the Protestants know one another'------------- duh!! What about all the feckin' athiests / agnostics / muslims / jews / criminals / next door feckin' neighbours etc. Are you thick or just totally ignorant about what we are about. (by the way, these two 'men' are from a well educated background and are both professionals in their chosen careers. Idiots!) That was just one of the storylines overheard at this wedding reception of all wedding receptions. I think I know the reason why these two think this. They are from England and it is no doubt their first time on our shores. The real problem behind this way of thought is all down to the media. Yes, Over the last few decades the media have constantly and repeatedly mis-quoted / mis-represented / mis-covered what has been going onover here. They are only interested in selling their papers etc. not in what actually goes on over here. OK. Maybe we do all know each other in a vague way, (have you ever seen a page three model from Northern Ireland?) but we / I know a lot of people from all sectors of the community and I think that i am pretty glad that i don't know these two narrow minded professionals. I just hope that their profession isn't in politics. God help us all if it is!!!! Oh yes, there were other stories overheard, but I thought this was the most ridiculous. Byse byse
Posted :: Thursday 11/30/2006 12:57:00 PM

Some drivers-----huh!
for the last 14 years I have been doing volunteer work in the middle of a forest. Every season we receive a consignment of bare root trees from Scottish nurseries. None of you old Dutch stuff for us. Keep the genetic line going and all that. Anyway, said trees are delivered ion a forty foot articulated truck. Up to now all the drivers have been able to deliver right to the gates of the nursery that I am in. Until yesterday. not only was the truck late by three days but when it did arrive the driver looked at the way in and refused to deliver. He said that he could never get his truck round the corner of the nursery walls. His solution was to reverse back out onto the road and have the truck unload there. Fecker! I went up to his cab and he stopped what he was doing. He whined that he couldn't get the truck round and i retorted with 'well you will be the first driver never to get round'. He didn't take too kindly to this. I ended up having to call our suppliers who in turn called his boss who in turn called the driver and told him that he had to deliver as the load was of a nature that it would perish. After a lot of moaning and directions from us he eventually did get his truck round the offending wall. we unloaded and he went his merry away. After the unloading was completed we then started to sort the trees out. Oh dear!!! due to the delay of three days in getting the delivery to us we were left with a load of 75,000 trees that were so hot that we were in no position to sell them. What to do. Get onto the suppliers and tell them the sequence of events. They in turn get onto the haulage contractor. They are not covered by their insurance as there was no accident. the suppliers are not covered by their insurance either. they have to right the whole lot off as a loss. we will get the trees replaced. (we have sent photographic evidence to the suppliers of the steaming piles of trees) My advice, as I have said before to the suppliers, send a driver who can drive, not offer excuses!!!!
Posted :: Thursday 11/23/2006 1:08:00 PM

Well,we won
Yes, we won. Thanks to anybody out there who phoned. It means that we have £50k of the lottery money to use in an environmental project that is going to benifit not only the peoplw who live around the area but also the wildlife in the area as well. Great, innit? Now that that's over with. What else is new? The winter is coming and things are getting colder. The thermals are coming out of their summer hibernation and are in the process of getting aired ready to wear on Monday morning. Unlike some people who work in an office environment in the regulation 72 degrees my office will become warm at about midday for an hour and then start to go to freezing again. My office is in the middle of a forest and we don't have the niceties that regular office peeps have. Hence the thermals. Of course, I could get out of my chair every now and then and go outside and run around fro a while, if only. My job is to stay in the office and deal with the public who come in wanting to purchase trees from us. Also to answer the tele sales. Also to maintain the data. Also to do this, also to do that. I don't mind really. The whole reason for me being there is so that I won't become a couch potatoe like my number one son! Ever since I sold my business 15 years ago I still find it difficult to sit around doing nothing. I have to do something. Hence the volunteering that
I do. I can thoroughly recommend it to anybody who is sitting at home twiddling their thumbs. There is a lot of self satisfaction involved. Now, that's the preaching over with. Onto something else. What? i know, we can -------talk about this feckin' puter going into hibernation mde without my permission. there i was, just clicking away happily, when, where's everything gone? Your pc has gone into hibernation. i think it was one of two things. The battery was low or the room I was sitting in was too warm. Anyway, things are good now and i am in a different, colder room and the pc is being charged as I type. i will fininsh now as I think it wants peace and quiet to fully recharge. That's Ebay out of the question then until tomorrow. I think I will go and watch CSI for a while. find out a few more home truths about how people get killed and why and where and when. Good, innit? Ta Ta

Posted :: Saturday 11/18/2006 2:56:00 PM

Here, phone this number and---
Here, phone this number and hear what the guy says to you on the other end. No, it isn't anything rude. That's just the way you think. What it is, the organisation that I do volunteer work for is going in for a grant from the Peoples Millions thing. We have reached the final stages and our project is on TV tonight. Now that it is all over from a paper exercise, it is now down to the public vote. A bit like X Factor (pity you can't vote the judges off the show and keep the singers). Now that I have eahausted all my calls, you get 10 per phone number, I thought that I would put it out on the net. I got darling daughter to put it up on Bebo and number one son to put it out on MSN. The voting can only go on until midnight tonight and the result will be given out on TV tomorrow night. If we win I wonder will my 71 phone calls have made any difference. I used 7 different phone lines and 1 call from number one sons mobile, that's all the money he had in his phone. So that was 3 landlines and four mobiles used in total. Now, if everyone in the organisation has done the same as me or something similar then we should stand a good chance of getting the dosh. All £50,000 of it. Enought to complete a well and truly amazing project, and all to help the environment to boot. changing the subject matter now to yesterday. Wifey, darling daughter and I decided to go on a shopping trip, well darling daughter just invited herself along for the coffee in Starbucks, to a place up the motorway a bit. One of those big discount villages. You know, the sort that makes you think that you are getting the stuff cheaper than the real shops are selling it for. well, the fun started when we arrived. We went into Starbucks for our lunch. Wifey and darling daughter were looking at what they could have. Whereas me, I was looking for anything that didn't have salt in it. I am now on a salt free diet thanks to my faulty kidneys. Very inconsiderate of them. Anyway, I couldn't really see anything that met the criteria so I went up to the counter and asked the girl, who was already holding her hand out for my money, if they had anything that was salt free on there menu. She looked at me blankly, called over someone who looked as though they were in charge and I explained what was required. She got out a folder and to my surprise they had everything they sold listed with all the various levels of poisons in each item. She ran her finger up and down and from one side of the page to the other. eventually she stopped and pointed at something. Great I thought, my lunch is about to be ordered. She looked up at me and told me that if I wished I could have, wait for it, --------A MUFFIN!!! I declined as I wanted something a bit more substantial than that for my lunch. I went and looked at their sandwiches and ended up with an egg and onion in rye. With mayonnaise!! OK, it was Sunday, and I had been a good boy for the whole week, so I deserved thia as my good boy treat of the week.
Life is great, innit?

Posted :: Monday 11/13/2006 2:30:00 PM